Posts Tagged ‘sex’
At the University LRT in Edmonton there are numerous advertisements advocating being pro-life and somehow trying to convince you not to have an abortion by providing pretty images of fetuses at various points of development and pointing out that they are not a blog of tissue. A common theme between them all, if that they all state that abortions are for life.
Yes, indeed. You cannot just hit Ctrl+Z after you abort your fetus/embryo. Nor can you go to your recycle bin and restore your fetus/embryo. (but I must say, I do have to give them credit for calling the womb inhabitant a fetus or an embryo rather than a baby. Something prolifers have a habit of not doing). In that sence, it is forever. What I’d like to point out is: Babies are forever too. After you give birth, it’s not all giggles and birthday parties. Mostly poop and crying, from what I’ve heard.
And Ctrl+Z’ing your child — well, you definitely can’t do that.
Today, I discovered this, thanks to Windows Live Messenger. The 10 Best Dating Tips From Bartenders.
Now, it caught my interest because, well, firstly, most people I know go to the bar to get laid or go out with friends and totally ignore everybody else, and not to find a date. Maybe I know strange people. But personally, I wouldn’t go on a date with somebody I met at the bar, unless I met them through a friend. At the bar. Anyway, the tips these bartenders give. I think they kind of suck.
“It’s a gutsy move, but if you go to a bar alone, you’re guaranteed to get hit on all night.” —Lauren, 11th Street Bar in New York City
No shit, Sherlock. You’re an easy target if you do that. Hell, once I was waiting for a friend, alone at a busy bar, wearing jeans and a sweater. I looked pretty shoddy and probably wasn’t wearing make up nor had I bothered to do my hair. Did I get hit on? Yes. Why? I was alone, with nobody to talk to. Poor me.
The problem? To me, being alone can attract unwanted attention. If you’re alone nobody knows who you’ve gone home with or took home. If I were a sexual predator, guess who would be my prey?
“You don’t want to come in with a huge group of girls, but you need to bring more than one friend. When there are just two, it’s really hard for a guy to strike up a conversation with one girl without making her friend feel abandoned.” —Paul, Clem’s in Brooklyn, New York
If you want to get laid, perhaps this is good advice. But what if your two friends want to get laid that night too? One of your two friends is left the problem this is meant to solve, the other is left with the problem in the quote above. What now?
“Skip the Long Island Iced Tea and Appletinis. Walk into a bar and order yourself a nice bourbon like Knob Creek on the rocks or a local brew and guys will respect you more.” —Lauren, 11th Street Bar in New York City
And then they will lose all the respect you just gained as you cringe at the taste. Now, one would assume that if you like things with titles like Long Island Iced Tea or Appletinis* you like your drinks sweet. So sweet you can’t taste the liquor. Why would you order such a thing, now? For a killer hangover the next morning, perhaps. Or to cover to the taste of something gross. My advice: make sure you can drink your hard liquor staight before you attempt this.
*Disclaimer: I’ve never tried either, but they sound like girly drinks. The kind that is made so sweet you can’t taste the alcohol.
“It doesn’t always work when a guy buys a drink for girl, but whenever a girl sends a drink over to a guy, believe me, they always leave together.” —Linda, 437 Rush in Chicago
That’s not getting a date, babe. That’s a one night stand. Know the difference. I mean, are you so naive to think that they leave together to have coffee or dinner? At 2am?
“Tip the bartender well and he may be able to hook you up. I’ve been known to slide over a free shot to help a guy get the girl, and vice versa.” —Brian, Saba Blue Water Café in Austin, Texas
I’m a really good tipper. Never works for me. But again, that’s getting laid. Not a date.
“The best way make sure you’ll have an amazing time is to head to a spot that’s totally your scene, so you won’t seem bored or feel out of place. If you’re in the market for meeting a guy, stick to a quieter, more laid-back bar.” —Dacia, Momo’s in Austin, Texas
Meeting a guy .. for what?? Again, last I checked, if you want to meet somebody at a bar, the usual thing is that you want to get laid, and usually nothing more. Anyway, this should be plain obvious. I mean, if I am a hardcore goth, I would not go to a country bar to get a guy.
“A little eye contact works wonders. Try this move: Look up, smile, then look down coquettishly. It’ll get his attention, and he’ll know you won’t blow him off.” —Linda, 437 Rush in Chicago
But it’s a sign that you’ll simply blow him?
You could always just stare at his crotch. Funny, though staring at a girls tits won’t get you very far.
“Talk to the bartender. You’ll seem friendly, and it’s much easier for a guy to jump in on a conversation you’ve got going than to approach you on his own.” —Brian, bartender at Saba Blue Water Café in Austin, Texas
Ever tried having conversation with a bartender at a busy bar? They are swarmed. People need their booze. Stop being selfish. Besides you might get a creeper that likes to eavesdrop and spy.
“When a guy uses a horrible line, like, ‘You look like my mother,’ get him to back off by being totally direct and saying, ‘I’m not interested.’ Otherwise he’ll interpret a sugar-coated rejection as a mixed message.”—Dacia, Momo’s in Austin, Texas
What I can say is that bad pickup lines that courage. That’s something I like in a guy. But I’ve been told I have strange taste in guys.
This bit of advice should be obvious.
“Blunt honesty. Just be straight up and say, ‘You should call me sometime.’ By the end of the night most of us guys are normally too buzzed to catch subtlety.” —Paul, Clem’s in Brooklyn, New York
Make sure he remembers who you are, too. He might be drinking so he doesn’t care what you look like so he won’t have an issue putting his dong inside you. I also think buzzed the definitely the wrong terminology here.
Anyways, apart from the above: all this is aimed at women. All women have to do to get laid, is to go to the bar in the most revealing outfit the weather will permit, and sit there, looking pretty. A guy will approach you. How selective said female is is the problem. If you want to meet prince charming at the bar, sorry to say it, but it probably won’t happen. Sorry.
Additionally, bartenders more often watch people picking up other people. For a one night stand. If you get lucky and score yourself a date … does the bartender know? Maybe in a tiny, not so busy bar.
My conclusion: Rename your list to ‘Blatantly Obvious Things to Consider When Going to the Bar to Get Laid’